2012 was a hard year for me personally. I said goodbye to many friendships. Some by my choice, many by theirs. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and to admit that most of the people that I had surrounded myself with were toxic to me. I had to admit to myself that I was a "Debbie Downer" and that my outlook on most everything was negative. I had to admit that I had issues with trust and that those unresolved issues led me to some very unwise decisions in who I chose to surround myself with. But guess what? Those realizations, those people that walked away from me without the blink of an eye, and those deep seeded hurts changed me. For the better. I found peace. I learned how to love myself. I learned how to let go of people . I learned how to be me without worry of judgement. I learned that I am a people pleaser, to a fault.I know understand that my willingness to wear my heart on my sleeve makes me vulnerable to people that have their best interests at heart, not mine. I now know that that character trait can make me or break me. I now know to select wisely and prayerfully who I connect with . And who my children connect with. I now know to extend grace to everyone. I now know how to forgive. And to move on.
One thing in particular I want to focus more on is gratefulness. I want to be able to find at least one thing every single day to be grateful for. Some days are harder than others, obviously, but there should always be something that I can be thankful for. I intend to be more intentional . To hear every word , spoken and unspoken. To see people, not just glaze over them in a hurry. I strive for relationships that have depth. That have sustainability. That can and will stand the test of time.
A few things I am grateful for:
1. My husband and my children.
2. Steady work, which comes with a steady paycheck.
3. Being a stay at home mom. I do write articles and have my own jewelry company, but I am here, at home. I get to see my children off in the morning and I am here when they get home. I am present for them and I am grateful for my husband, who is such a wonderful provider, that I have this choice.
4.My friends. The ones who love me, despite my flaws .
5. An extended family that is there for each other, no matter what happens that may steer us away from each other.
So here is to 2013!